“People are going to find out and you’re going to lose clients.”

“If you can make it work, good luck, but I just can’t imagine.”

“I have always been a fan of your business and supported you but this doesn’t align with my values. I didn’t pay that much for my wedding photos!”

“We did _______ for you and I just expected you would do more in return.”

My cheeks were hot and it wasn’t from the flu I was in bed fighting. It was fear, and shame. This client turned friend had a problem with our pricing and we were having one of those awful conversations where professionally you have to be calm and unphased but inside you’re feeling defensive and hurt.

She had this ability to say out loud everything I’d whispered in my head. That I wasn’t worth it. That she could see it and “others” would too. That I’m taking advantage of people . . . people who have done things for me! What I do is not that special, that necessary, or that valuable.

She roasted me so bad it was a third degree burn to the soul.

It’s years later and I still burp up a little of that emotional acid every once in a while. Bwaaaap “imposter” burrrrp “everyone knows you suck…” . Shake it off Teresa, shake it off. I’m fighting the urge to explain to you now, dear internet, how very very wrong she was but lets just move on.

Whether it is a pandemic or Petty Patty what do you do when business hurts? When the thing you love becomes something that you want to avoid? When someone says out loud the things you were whispering to yourself on the inside?

When business leaves you scorched and smoldering you call your emergency contact. You know, like on the forms. That small little list of one or two names for people you can call when things get really bad really fast.

As a parent I fill out these forms all the time. I have to tell you when it comes down to it the list of qualified candidates is actually pretty small. Some qualifications:

+ They have to be reliable, the type of person that answers the phone even when they don’t know who is calling. Who does that anyway?

+ It can’t be someone I will have to calm down during my own crisis.

+ No one that panics easy, gets confused, or is over anxious. That person that has to google everything, can’t decide on a restaurant, always has to reset their password because they can’t remember. Not that person. They are sweet, but no.

Your emergency contact in life and in business needs to be someone carefully chosen. Someone who can see you at your worst and not judge you. Someone who has your best interests at heart. Someone who can look you in the eyes and say “it’s not that bad” in a way that is half way convincing because you trust them to tell you if it is that bad. We can all make our own lists about what qualifications this person should be and thank goodness you only need a few names. But! There is one thing an emergency contact absolutely cannot be . . . so let me tell you about Robin.

My friend Robin is a camper, climber, backpacker and all around badass. {{She also knows everyone, so before you send me a message no that is not her in the picture above so no one call Charlie.}} She is definitely the type of person to be someone’s emergency contact – always answers her phone, thinks clearly in a crisis, will probably make you laugh even if you feel stupid, and generally knows how to get stuff done. Even the birds know that if they are going to fall out of the nest, it should be in her yard.

I adore Robin because she gives me glimpses into a whole other life – like the world of people who run for fun. She recently taught me the importance of writing your emergency contact information on your running shoes. I know this because Robin posted a picture on Instagram of her new running shoes with a phone number written across the sole. If something ever happened while she was out running alone a good samaritan would call the number on her shoe – reaching her emergency contact for her and providing quick, necessary care. What a genius idea!

But there is a little something awry with Robin’s emergency contact plans – in fact Robin forgot the one thing that an emergency contact absolutely cannot be. It was a problem not revealed until a visit with her physical therapist who asked about the number. “Robin” she said curiously, “isn’t that your phone number?” My dear Robin, who could probably teach you the preferred way to wrangle a jelly donut from a grizzly bear had written down her own phone number on her shoe. She made herself her own emergency contact.

Can you imagine? She goes out for a run, pulling on these shhweeeet new running shoes. Oh no! She takes a nasty fall on a trail and gets knocked out. What will we do? Someone finds her. Horray! “Oh what a relief, look! They would exclaim, “this genius has written an emergency contact on her shoe!” . The good samaritan picks up their phone, dials the number from the sneaker and a “Lovely Day” by Bill Withers ringtone starts playing in her pocket.

Trying to fix all of the interpersonal, emotional, and financial struggles that come with a business is not something you can do inside your own head. It is just as ridiculous to try to see through your own problems objectively as it is to write your own number on your shoe.

So when a client calls to say out loud all of your worst fears and you’re reeling from the burn here is what you do. You pick up the phone and call your emergency contact. Someone who doesn’t live inside of your worst fears, who isn’t emotionally entangled. Someone who believes in what you do and why you are the only person who can do it. Someone to listen and remind you that you have been through harder things than this. Consider this person carefully, keep your list short (one or two people) and don’t be scared to call for help. You cannot be your own emergency contact.